“Sleep-deprived” doesn’t begin to describe what I was feeling. A new mom, I found myself crying on my couch trying not to think things like “this wasn’t what I signed up for.” My living room window wasn’t letting much light in and the outside matched my inside; dreary, stormy and dark. If you were to visit me that day you would’ve patted me on the head and said “Sweetheart, the first few weeks are tough. Just take a nap. It’s all going to be ok.”
But in that moment I was irrationally hopeless; a sorry state for someone who prides themselves on being a thinker. My sleep-starved self couldn’t sleep, and I felt darkness pressing against the corners of my mind.
Every logical thought I tried to tell myself wasn’t working so I reached for something more solid. I grabbed my phone and opened my Bible app. I put on a worship song and read. I breathed in truth and let light battle with my darkness.
I don’t remember what I read. I don’t remember what song was playing. But I remember feeling less hopeless. The feeling came in inches. I didn’t get up off the couch restored that day. But it gave me enough light to take my next step, which for that instance was being nice to my husband and holding my baby.
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105
Are you in a dark moment? You might be smiling that my “dark moment” is something so simple. You might wish you could trade problems with me. But whatever your dark moment is-whether common or complex-darkness has a way of choking rational thought. You feel cold, dark, and alone. You need something to light your path.
It would be nice if the heavens parted and the sun broke through into every corner of your world. But what you need is a light for your path. You need hope right now to push away enough darkness to take the next step.
His word brings light. His word brings hope.
Open up His word today. If you need a place to begin, read from Psalm 119. It’s the longest chapter in Scripture and my personal favorite. Soak in a couple of verses. Whatever it takes, just give your fears to God and agree with the Psalmist that God’s word is good and gives light to dark places.
I got up from that couch eventually. The day got better, and that’s true for you too. You’ll move on from this moment. It will get better. But if you’re there now, you need something there with you. Bring His Word into your dark moment and watch light leak in.
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. Psalm 119:4